May 3, 2013

[not so] "super mommy"

I'm sitting here at 10:53AM still in my PJs, eating peanut butter out of the jar and drowning a "mommy failure" with a Coke Zero. I came across this post this morning and it made me smile and cry at the same time. I hope by no means have I given off the "we have everything down and our lives are perfect" vibe on the blog. Most days I stay in my PJs with no make up on until I drop Amos off with my dad ("Pop") or Mike's Gram for an hour at the gym. Most days I don't brush my teeth until the late hours of the afternoon (and to think that somehow on the trail I was voted "best hygiene" among our friends--HAHA). Most days I have dirty dishes in the sink and on the stove. C'est la vie!

While I would love for you to think that my sweet baby Amos is a perfect baby, he's not. He's a little sinner just like his mama and daddy. He's broken and like us, living in this broken world. He screams (bloody murder) when he doesn't get his way sometimes, hates riding in the car, spits food all over me (it seems like every time I feed him), pulls my hair, still isn't sleeping through the night, and the list goes on. He screamed for thirty minutes this morning, fighting sleep, until I gave in an nursed him. The little booger was asleep in 60 seconds, I kid you not (hence drowning my failure in a Coke Zero). I won't lie, while I want him to go to sleep by himself, I secretly cherish every minute I can sit and rock him even if he is screaming in my ear. I've learned to roll the windows all the way down (fortunately for me, my back windows do that) to distract him every time we get in the car. I've learned to laugh at him when he spits food literally all down the front of whatever I have on (I've also learned to put dirty clothes on when feeding him). I'm thankful that he's healthy and eats whatever food I give him. When he pulls my hair, he's usually pulling my face closer to his for a slobbery wet open mouthed kiss. I die a little every single time he does this.

I'm learning a lot as a first time mama - every day, actually. I'm learning that how my days go depend a lot on my perspective. So what if I'm still in my PJs and have on Crocs with socks at the grocery store. So what my hair hasn't been washed in days and I don't brush my teeth every morning. So what some days my biggest accomplishment is cleaning the bathroom while Amos plays in the bathtub (because obviously I can't leave the bathroom while he lays in the tub...). So what I drink a pot of coffee a day, sometimes more. I'm learning to not judge others, but to love them where they are. I'm still learning that the world doesn't revolve around me and that my time is definitely not my own. I'm learning to drop what I'm doing to play with my boy on his pallet or play mat. I hope that I never stop learning and growing as a mama & wife (& friend, sister, daughter, etc.). I hope as I get older that you'll be able to look at my life and think that it's a shadow of what it once was. I hope that my messy, chaotic, beautiful life with Mike & our boy reflects the glory of the One who's given it to me.